


>PM: Deliver gift.

by Hammie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, adorable stationary, birthday gifts, kitten cloning, references to teen drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 06:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammie/pseuds/Hammie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Jane's birthday, and R has to find the perfect messenger to deliver her gift. [illustrated!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	>PM: Deliver gift.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lizzledpink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzledpink/gifts).



> This is gen but I guess you could read it as femslash?? I kind of ship it but mostly it's about their affection for each other, platonic or otherwise, so.
> 
> OTHER NOTES: I love drawing PM so much, oh my god.
> 
> I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS, LIZZLEDPINK!

Your name is R??? LALONDE, and it is your best friend's birthday tomorrow.

You've been slaving over her gift for months. Almost since her birthday LAST YEAR, in fact. It's been a harrowing experience, but you think you have finally cloned THE PERFECT KITTEN.

It's BLUE, because that's your best pal's favorite color, and it has FOUR EYES, because... OK, you admit that that's because you like giving things more than the usual amount of eyes, but it's not your fault that doubling the quantity of eyes in an organism also double its CUTENESS FACTOR. You have tested this, SCIENTIFICALLY.

You've also made sure that this kitten has the friendliest possible disposition, by painstakingly isolating the GREGARIOUSNESS GENE. It was hard work, but it will be worth it to be able to present Jane with a kitten that is sweeter even than her beloved cakes.

That your gift arrives promptly and in perfect condition is of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE. You have had to hire a very special person for the job.

Your FRIEND recommended her. He has many (somewhat troubling) CONNECTIONS, and he has assured you that this messenger is SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS. You hope he's right.

You are apprehensive at first, but the care with which she places her charge in the postal bag lets you know that you made the CORRECT DECISION in hiring her. You thank her and bid her farewell as she sets off on her journey. You then abscond to your room, to brood over Jane's possible reactions (and a martini).

>R???: Be the other girl.

\---

You are now the other girl.

Your name is JANE CROCKER, and your birthday is KIND OF A BIG DEAL. One of the many presents you have received this year is a STATE OF THE ART HAND-HELD ROBOTIC COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE. It has nearly infinite storage space, and, reportedly, NEAR-HUMAN INTELLIGENCE.

But none of that matters, because it still can't make LALONDE get her ass onto Pesterchum. You tried. You guess that even the mighty CROCKER CORP'S mind-numbingly advanced technology has some limitations.

She hasn't been online all day. The mail has come and gone, and there is no sign of the special gift that your BEST FRIEND assured you was coming.

You're ready to give up and retreat to BED, when the doorbell rings. How strange! It's already dark out, which makes it an odd time for anyone to be paying an unplanned visit.

You go to the door and open it, and find that standing on your doorstep is a VERY STRANGE WOMAN.

She tells you that she has a very SPECIAL DELIVERY, assuming that you are the BIRTHDAY GIRL. You tell her that indeed, you are the birthday girl! It is you. She smiles and reaches into her MAIL BAG, placing its contents, gently, in your arms.

You are not sure you have ever held a kitten before. You hope you are doing it right. You think maybe you should be supporting its head more, like with babies? Especially since it's probably carrying some extra weight in the eyeball department. Maybe.

You notice an ENVELOPE tied to the kitten's ADORABLE NECK with a classy ribbon. Carefully removing it, you ease it open.

You ask the nice mail lady if she can wait a minute, and possibly do one more delivery? She smiles and tells you she can, so you dash up the stairs to grab your OFFICIAL CROCKERCORP STATIONARY complete with PERSONAL LETTERHEAD, and a pen. You write your letter quickly, but not hastily, and fold it into an envelope. The mail lady takes it and you thank her as she departs.

>Jane: Be the nice mail lady.

\---

You are the PARCEL MISTRESS, and you have just made a very important delivery! Your work isn't done yet, though. You still have one more missive to see safely to its recipient. You've been up all night on this mission, but you don't mind.

You are the PARCEL MISTRESS.

And you LOVE your job.


End file.
